My Mental Health…WHO?
My heart is racing! It feels like it is 20 mph! No, 50 mph! Actually, 100 mph!
I can’t breathe! The room is spinning! I am sooo HOT! I need to take my jacket off! My shoes are too tight! Oh, God, I need to unbutton my pants! I can’t, all these people are around me!
I can’t breathe! Why is everyone just staring at me? Why is no one helping me or are they?
I am panicking… I feel like I might pass out!
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
Please…I CAN’T BREATHE!
That was me 6 years ago when I experienced my first anxiety attack. This was one of the scariest moments of my life as I had never experienced anything quite like this before! My world was simply turned upside down!
For the first time, I experienced moments where I did not want to get out of the bed. I was living, I knew I was breathing, but I felt so dead inside. I couldn’t explain what was happening around me. I remember sitting in a room for hours staring at NOTHING!
I couldn’t understand what was happening to me.
What was I feeling?
Am I going crazy?
I remember talking to my mother in law at work during this time and her saying to me, “Baby girl, you are suffering from depression and I believe you have been for quite some time!”
“Depression? I am NOT crazy!” That was my immediate thought!
The truth was, I knew something was off! I had just experienced the most traumatic moment within my marriage! I was lost! I didn’t know who I was! I had zero confidence in myself!
Everything I knew was foreign to me and on top of that, I felt like people thought I was crazy! I knew I needed to talk to someone, but I didn’t know how!
I knew I needed help, but again I didn’t know how! I was embarrassed by every single event that was occurring in my life and I saw nothing but darkness ahead of me! The day I decided to get help, was the day my son looked at me...I believe he was 6 years old at this time and he said, “Mommy why do your eyes always look so sad? Who hurt you?”
It was at that moment I realized that the tough face I thought I was putting on wasn’t so tough after all! Regardless of what my husband and I were going through, I needed to come out of this dark place for my kids; I had 2 little people watching every move I made!
What I learned in Therapy?
Let me tell you that me and the word vulnerability did not mix!
It took me months to finally open up and finally deal with my past that I never faced, along with my present!
Although I felt lost and unloved, I realized that I have never truly loved myself! For years, I struggled with Self-Love! I never had anyone show or tell me what it meant to truly understand who I am and how to love everything about Me! I have never felt worthy! Although these traumatic things were happening to me...they did not start those feelings I had about myself! I always thought that way about myself and had no one to tell me different.
Let me tell you, when you start learning some real things about yourself...that is the hardest pill to swallow! I was finally ready to work on me! Get myself together, realize my worth, and know I am capable of telling others how I NEEDED to be loved!!!
The Lesson
Ladies, it all begins with you! Self-Love is the foundation of it all! How can we truly expect others to love us the way we deserve to be loved when we are not capable of loving ourselves?
If no one has ever told you, then I will!
You are beautiful!
You are capable!
You are worthy!
And
You WILL get through this no matter how dark your world may seem!
Put the work in and begin working on YOU!
I am living proof that YOU can get through it! I am not saying that everyday is smooth sailing! We all have our days where those thoughts start to creep in and triggers do occur but, guess what that means?
YOU ARE HUMAN!
Take the time to identify those triggers and coping skills. DO THE WORK!
Your story will one day be your testimony!
“Experience, Learn, Grow, & Repeat”
From,
Your Mommy Life Coach